Must Love Dogs, eh? Well I do as it happens, so how bad could it be? Well I'll endeavour to answer that question over the next few hundreds words or so: Quite bad. Oh dear, I've answered it in two. Ah well, I'll carry on anyway. Thirty-something divorcee Sarah Nolan (Diane Lane, Under the Tuscan Sun, The Perfect Storm) can feel her biological clock ticking – as many women of her age do I'm told. So, with the interfering/helpful nudges of her sisters, she decides the dating world is ready for her arrival back onto the scene. You go girl!

Sarah is exactly what you'd expect from such a character: pretty, shy, good-natured and completely deficient in self-confidence. So, as you can well imagine, her adventures into the world of internet dating are bumpy to say the least. After a number of false starts, including a rendez-vous with her own father, she comes across a suitor more potential than some of the curios characters that she encounters.

But what she sees in Jake (John Cusack, High Fidelity, Con Air) will forever remain a mystery. Jake builds wooden racing boats that he cannot sell, and spends all his spare time crying over Doctor Zhivago. Nauseating. This is the type of person who would almost certainly keep a rather disturbing journal recalling the exact movements of some lady who dumped him in the 1980s.

That mystery pales in comparison to the reason she persists with him, after seeing their initial awkwardly silent meetings, punctuated only by Jake's random insulting of Sarah. If there was genuine chemistry between the characters it wouldn't be so bad, but there is absolutely nothing going on. The script is poor and the acting is okay, but I'm afraid there is just no spark. For the life of me I can't see what lured Cusack on board.

Had there been something this may have been passable, but it is still bogged down by the excessive sugarcoated atmosphere. Nowhere on this earth are so many beautiful people so nice and warm and friendly. But then again there are women of a certain vintage, shall we say, who will eat up this kind of tripe.

As far as heart-warming, middle-aged romantic comedies go, Must Love Dogs isn't even a Bridget Jones's Diary. It's not exciting or funny, and to be honest you will hate Cusack's soppy character to the point that you'll want Sarah to end up in the arms of the handsome yet untrustworthy Bob (Dermot Mulroney, Undertow, About Schmidt). If only they could have gotten some of those loveable pooches to jump through some hoops or round up a herd of sheep things could have been so different. If I had my way, Must Love Dogs would be put down.

Rated 12A (see IFCO website for details)
Must Love Dogs is released on 6th September 2005.
Must Love Dogs – Official website